You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
