I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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