My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
