the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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