Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
