tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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