Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
