I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
