we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
