Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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