Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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