he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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