She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
