I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
