I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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