Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
