Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
