I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Everyone says I win the strip club
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
