you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
