you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
