I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
