how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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