Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
