i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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