Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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