Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
