Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
