I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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