I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize