somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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