Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
