did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
