I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
