I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
