Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
