I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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