I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
