let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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