oh god the rape fog is back!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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