she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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