i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
