kristin has been a bad kristin
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
