sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
