i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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