11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
