I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
