we're blogging at a bar
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
