My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
