I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
