I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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