Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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