Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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