Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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