Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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