dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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