I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
