Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
