dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
