i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
