Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
