The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
