You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
