I smell stomach acid.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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