Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
