Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Please don't give away my fajitas
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