Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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