I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize