Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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