grandma shit on top of the toilet
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
