i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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