Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
