i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
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