I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
