It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
