he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
