all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Randomize
