dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
