I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
