I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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