After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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