ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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