ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's never too late to be topless.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
