Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
