peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
