I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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