Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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