3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
