i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm just crazy horny about you
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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