Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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