so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
