I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
