Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
