R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
