At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
