Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize