today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
