I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She told me I should be a condom model.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
