He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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