I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
