carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
