i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
