I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
