office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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