So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize