didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
