He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
