Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
