then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
