I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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