Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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