genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
