My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize