tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
