CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
