Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
