I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
