I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
