So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
