I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
