Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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