Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
