Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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