Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I deserve this hangover.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
